- I had only 5 hours of sleep instead of the 8 I know my body needs.
- We didn't eat dinner until 7:30 pm. However, it was a salad I've been able to eat with impunity, and this time it did't even have crumbled bacon, which now that I think about it, is about 130 calories that I didn't have that were counted because it's included in my 'custom food' selection on my counter. So I actually had a 400 calorie deficit!
- I am still very sore from that kick-ass yoga. I may do it today again though, to work out the kinks.
- The hot tub last night made me itch. I should have got in the shower, but instead I slapped some lotion on and went to bed, but it bugged me until I fell asleep, which took at least an hour because of it, which, now that I think about that, means I got about 4 hours of sleep!
- I made sugar-free, gluten-free banana bread last night, and had a piece at about 10 pm once it cooled. That is included in my calorie count though, so other than the fact that it was so late, I don't see how that could contribute to a .9 gain.
Well, that was short-lived.
And I have no clue what the deal is. I ate 1100 calories yesterday, but with my 5 mile walk and Zumba, My calculator says I have a 270 calories deficit.
Variables that come to mind:
If anyone ever taps into this record of my journey, it should be really, really clear that losing not a simple matter of 'calories in, calories out'! We've been fed a line of bull for a long time. I believed it for a long time. It made me feel crazy that I gained for no apparent reason. I know it looks like I did here, but there is a reason. I just have to figure it out.
Without this introspection and scrutiny, it is easy for me to see how this could have creep up on me daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. I see it now when I see friends post about having ice-cream, cake, fast food. Like me, they will post that they only have ice-cream a couple of times a year; pizza once a month, fast food once or twice a year, cake on birthdays...and it doesn't seem like a lot. It especially doesn't seem like it should be a problem when some people eat that crap EVERY DAY and don't gain. But for some of us, that adds up to something that makes us gain every couple of weeks. And it may only be a pound or two every couple of weeks that we gain, but we never have a chance to recover.
I got to 212 by this insidious creep upward of 5-10 lb. per year. Even with an incremental loss of 5 lb. here and there, if it look me a month or two to lose that, I'd give up and be back where I started and then some.
I'm still trying to figure out what is going to bring me down the rest of the way and keep me there. I'm still trying to build some muscle that will make me a better burner, even if that means my weight is up, but my size is down. Without daily logging and public accountability (though I doubt anyone reads this) I might be tempted to let things slide.
I also know once I figure out what keeps me where I want to be, which is different than it was the year and a half of effortless stabilization before the DVT, that may only work for a period of time. Illness, injury or just age can change it up on me again and I may have to start over and figure out a new normal.
I'm tired just thinking about it. I get angry and feel it's unfair that I should have to when so many people don't. But it is what it is. I like how I feel small. I like how I look in my cute clothes. I like that I can DO stuff and it feels good.
I struggled with my weight for over 20 years. I tried everything to lose weight. Yes, I did 'eat less, move more' repeatedly, convinced that doing the same thing over and over would someone yield different results. Desperate, having diligently done all the 'right' things and being told by several doctors that there was nothing wrong with me except that I wasn't trying hard enough, in 2009 I tried what seemed crazy: Dr. Simeons Hcg protocol. I lost 85 lb.