Yesterday I didn't walk but I did hot tub and today I'm down .7. Two days ago I did both and was down .2. Three days ago I walked but not hot tub and was down .9. Maybe doing both is too much? Otherwise there was conscious consistency. Eh. I'm also willing to concede that none of it matters much. Perhaps when I look back at it all it's just what my particular pattern is. Who knows?
What I do know for sure is that if I try to look ahead at how long I will do this, I start to think I can't. I'm bored with my options, and there are moments when I want something that isn't on my list, or that I am a little hungry. It's not often, and it's not something I have to fight with mighty force. It's a little voice that says, 'Your looking pretty good in those size 6-8...you really don't need to keep this up if it's a pain in the ass.'
The more the 'me' in my head and the 'me' in the mirror match, the less the number on the scale(s) or the stupid Wii BMI calculation matters.
Yet I don't really want to do this again. It's not horrible or anything. It's really not all that different than my usual routine. The things that are bugging me are things like Valentine's Day. I know my husband would love to go out to dinner. It would be one of those days that we would go to our favorite place, and I would eat what I want with the expectation that we'd work a little harder for a week to recoup. Those days are our anniversary and Valentine's Day, and perhaps birthdays...though those are not expectations. We still don't go crazy on those days...we sometimes split or order steak and veggies. But I would have the bread if it was good, and we'd split a desert.
Then there is the possibility today of a mother/daughter day. We may go see a movie. It would be nice to do a little shopping and have lunch or dinner. We likely still will, but I won't eat. I wouldn't go wild if I weren't on protocol either. These special days are few and far between too, but I'd still order the most friendly option to my body I could choose. Sometimes that's a somewhat limited selection depending on where you go. But in reality it doesn't matter, because no matter what I order when I go out, I gain. I always have to do damage control no matter how little I eat or what I choose.
So we may go out today, and I will just sit and drink coffee or try to order around what is offered if we can't plan around my meal times. I guess that's the part that bugs me...planning around this.
Protocol is a non-issue...unless it's an issue. I do go to bed thinking 'Yes! Another day down!' and I wake up curious to see how I did. Work, at home or at the office, is no different, because my routine is the same. There is constant motivation on the scale and as I shrink into the clothes I love and begin to appear the way I like my body to appear. The fact that my legs already feel better is also great motivation.
But then something like the above mentioned is tossed in and it's just...meh. I don't want to do it. I start giving myself rationalizations of why I don't need to any more. Like today, I counted my syringes and thought, 'Well, I have 11 left. If I take out what I'll use for the B12MICs, I have just over a week before I have to open a new package. That would be the 6 week mark and I could conceivably be at or close to my goal. OR I could open the next pack and go another week. There are ten in a pack, so it would be just over a week with the B12MIC syringes taken out. Beyond that I have one package left. (Back when I first did this and knew I'd need to go many rounds I ordered in bulk because it was cheap.) And then I think, well perhaps that's sort of synchronous. If I go until I run out of Hcg and syringes, it takes me into March. That's pushing it, but I think I could do it as long as I was still losing and still feeling good.
That could take me to where the BMI calculators say I should be, which I knew is bull-pucky, but it gives me a slight cushion for where I like to be.
I guess I just take it as it comes and listen to my body. A bad day happens once in awhile. But if I have a week of struggle, I'll know it's time to let it go. So far so good though.
After all that complaining, I had to report that it is now past 1:30 pm and I just ate because I knew I had to. I needed to take my supplements and if I waited much longer dinner could be pretty darn late, which I don't like doing.
I have had zero desire to eat all day thus far. Also, I only ate half my apple because again, I knew I should. Now I am feeling overfull with my protocol allotment.
I struggled with my weight for over 20 years. I tried everything to lose weight. Yes, I did 'eat less, move more' repeatedly, convinced that doing the same thing over and over would someone yield different results. Desperate, having diligently done all the 'right' things and being told by several doctors that there was nothing wrong with me except that I wasn't trying hard enough, in 2009 I tried what seemed crazy: Dr. Simeons Hcg protocol. I lost 85 lb.