So, today I'm driving to the store and I see this woman struggling as she walks down the sidewalk with a baby in a carseat. I did not see her get out of a car and there was no car nearby, though she was heading toward the same store I was going to, and there was a parking lot.
However, this struck me as incredibly funny. All I could think of was the horrible infomercials that start out, "Has this ever happened to you?" that proceed to make the easiest tasks seem impossible without the incredibly stupid featured product.
I started cracking up thinking about the infomercial that would go something like this:
Has this ever happened to you?
Do you struggle with 15 extra pounds of plastic, just to keep your baby near you? Do you spend hours at the chiropractor or suffer with debilitating back pain?
Does your kid have to wear a helmet 23 hours per day because his head is lumpy?
(Positional Plagiocephaly and carseat overuse information here: http://publichealth.lacounty.gov/ivpp/pdf_reports/Infantile%20Positional%20Occipital%20Plagiocephaly%20from%20Child%20Safety%20Seats.pdfand here: http://www.oandp.org/jpo/library/2003_03_102.asp)
Has your little one been in danger of falling to his death in unsafe situations like being precariously balanced on a shopping cart?
Have you spent money you just don't have for ridiculous products that say they'll solve these problems, like straps, special covers, or handle padding or wheels?
Well suffer no more!
Who knew? Standard issue with every baby are...
Yes, that's right! A MOTHER'S ARMS! Even better, your baby was already born portable at a very comfortable 6-10 lb. average weight! Why, babies are even bendy so they can fit into all sorts of comfortable configurations in Mom's arms, Dad's, even little sister's and grandma's!
Mother's arms otherwise engaged and grandma no where to be found?
NOT TO WORRY!
There's a wrap for that! Since the beginning of time, mothers all over the world have needed to solve the problem of using their hands while not abandoning their babies. What do to?
Ergonomically designed, weighing mere ounces, portable and doubling as a blanket, and meeting all of your baby's in-arm needs, this stylish option is even affordable!
Never let this stupidity ruin your life again! <end infomercial>
Carseats are for cars. Carseats save lives when used properly in cars. Carseats can be a useful tool if you've just spent 2 hours driving a colic-y baby around to get him to sleep and are afraid that taking him out of the carseat will mean the shrieking will commence again. A carseat can even be helpful if you haven't been able to get the baby to sleep all day, it's now 7 pm, mom hasn't eaten a bite and holding a wriggling baby while attempting to eat would mean hot spaghetti on his head.
Honestly, why does hauling a baby around in an awkward plastic bucket make sense to people? Why does it make more sense to invent things that will attempt to fix or mitigate the damage...instead of avoiding it in the first place?
And ultimately, the saddest part is what we're teaching our littles. Dolls now come with carseats that toddlers are being conditioned to believe must be part and parcel. Please.
My name is Kim Wildner. I am the author of Mother's Intention: How Belief Shapes Birth.