Yesterday I didn't walk but I did hot tub and today I'm down .7. Two days ago I did both and was down .2. Three days ago I walked but not hot tub and was down .9. Maybe doing both is too much? Otherwise there was conscious consistency. Eh. I'm also willing to concede that none of it matters much. Perhaps when I look back at it all it's just what my particular pattern is. Who knows?

What I do know for sure is that if I try to look ahead at how long I will do this, I start to think I can't. I'm bored with my options, and there are moments when I want something that isn't on my list, or that I am a little hungry. It's not often, and it's not something I have to fight with mighty force. It's a little voice that says, 'Your looking pretty good in those size 6-8...you really don't need to keep this up if it's a pain in the ass.' 

The more the 'me' in my head and the 'me' in the mirror match, the less the number on the scale(s) or the stupid Wii BMI calculation matters. 

Yet I don't really want to do this again. It's not horrible or anything. It's really not all that different than my usual routine. The things that are bugging me are things like Valentine's Day. I know my husband would love to go out to dinner. It would be one of those days that we would go to our favorite place, and I would eat what I want with the expectation that we'd work a little harder for a week to recoup. Those days are our anniversary and Valentine's Day, and perhaps birthdays...though those are not expectations. We still don't go crazy on those days...we sometimes split or order steak and veggies. But I would have the bread if it was good, and we'd split a desert.

Then there is the possibility today of a mother/daughter day. We may go see a movie. It would be nice to do a little shopping and have lunch or dinner. We likely still will, but I won't eat. I wouldn't go wild if I weren't on protocol either. These special days are few and far between too, but I'd still order the most friendly option to my body I could choose. Sometimes that's a somewhat limited selection depending on where you go. But in reality it doesn't matter, because no matter what I order when I go out, I gain. I always have to do damage control no matter how little I eat or what I choose. 

So we may go out today, and I will just sit and drink coffee or try to order around what is offered if we can't plan around my meal times. I guess that's the part that bugs me...planning around this.

Protocol is a non-issue...unless it's an issue. I do go to bed thinking 'Yes! Another day down!' and I wake up curious to see how I did. Work, at home or at the office, is no different, because my routine is the same. There is constant motivation on the scale and as I shrink into the clothes I love and begin to appear the way I like my body to appear. The fact that my legs already feel better is also great motivation.

But then something like the above mentioned is tossed in and it's just...meh. I don't want to do it. I start giving myself rationalizations of why I don't need to any more. Like today, I counted my syringes and thought, 'Well, I have 11 left. If I take out what I'll use for the B12MICs, I have just over a week before I have to open a new package. That would be the 6 week mark and I could conceivably be at or close to my goal. OR I could open the next pack and go another week. There are ten in a pack, so it would be just over a week with the B12MIC syringes taken out. Beyond that I have one package left. (Back when I first did this and knew I'd need to go many rounds I ordered in bulk because it was cheap.) And then I think, well perhaps that's sort of synchronous. If I go until I run out of Hcg and syringes, it takes me into March. That's pushing it, but I think I could do it as long as I was still losing and still feeling good. 

That could take me to where the BMI calculators say I should be, which I knew is bull-pucky, but it gives me a slight cushion for where I like to be. 

I guess I just take it as it comes and listen to my body. A bad day happens once in awhile. But if I have a week of struggle, I'll know it's time to let it go. So far so good though.

Later--
After all that complaining, I had to report that it is now past 1:30 pm and I just ate because I knew I had to. I needed to take my supplements and if I waited much longer dinner could be pretty darn late, which I don't like doing.  

I have had zero desire to eat all day thus far. Also, I only ate half my apple because again, I knew I should. Now I am feeling overfull with my protocol allotment. 

My original journey through the Simeons Protocol was documented here at: My Hcg Protocol to My Authentic Self.
I may continue there, but I'm trying to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak, and since I have the ability to have it all in one place, here I am. 


It was February of 2009 when I began that journey. By the end of 2009 I was 80 lb. smaller after 4 rounds of Protocol. By the following year I'd dropped another 5 lb. pretty much just living. I did try to do protocol at least 2 more times, maybe three, trying to get down to 116, which would have been my optimal BMI weight according to my Wii (and other charts). I have two of those documented, but I got lazy about doing so publicly, so I'd have to dig my private journal out to be specific. 

In any case, the reason I think there was a third time was I remember thinking, "Three strikes and you're out! Obviously your body likes 126-132." At that weight I was a size 4-6 and pretty happy. I'd started out at a size 18-20!

So between the failed attempts to lose more, I maintained. Not only did I hang out there pretty effortlessly, like I said I lost about 5 lb. just by adopting a 'new normal.' I ate about 1500-2000 calories per day depending on how active I was; I did not restrict fat; I ate meat (I had gotten fat being a vegetarian for 20 years.); I cut out most grains, most of the time; I eliminated 99.9% of sugar. 

I had tried to modify my diet to that extent before I lost the weight many times. It was different this time. Like I said...it wasn't really hard at all after protocol. 

Fast forward to June 2011. 

I had not had Hcg in my system for months. I need to preface what I'm about to share next with that bit of information because I know people will want to somehow associate my life-altering event with Protocol. If I were on protocol when the following happened, I might too, but I wasn't. 

On a trip to Singapore to give a presentation on Kangaroo Care for preterm babies, I endured a 22-hour flight, both to and fro. I was booked in 'economy.'  I developed 'Economy Class Syndrome'  

The treatment was 9 shots of Fragmin (a blood thinner) into my belly and 3-6 months of Coumadin. When my lab work came back I discovered that I have two genetic mutations that make me more prone to clots, so I was told I may need to be on Coumadin (which is rat poison, BTW) for perhaps a year, or maybe the rest of my life.

I had gained a lot of weight already on Coumadin and felt like death warmed over. I had a doctor who was willing help me manage the situation more naturally. 

By December 2011 I decided I needed to get the weight off. I had spent the summer hiking and biking...2-3 miles minimum walking every day, many dates 5-7 miles, and between 13 and 28 miles biking. I had lost no weight eating reasonably. So I began another round of Hcg, with 'loading' starting the day before New Year's Eve. 

Blot clots are a theoretical risk on Hcg. However, during 2 pregnancies and several rounds, even with a genetic predisposition, I did not have issues. Obesity is also a risk factor for blood clots. I weighed the risks and benefits and decided if I was at risk anyway, I'd rather chose the risk that put me back in the skin I felt comfortable in. 

I am taking supplementation that keeps my blood 'thin' and 'slippery' and I also take enzymes that have been shown to dissolve blood clots. 

This is my 5th day of Very Low Calorie Intake (VLCI). I've lost about 7 lb. I feel great. So far I've walked every day (M-3 miles, T-2, W-3, T-1) and I am about to get out for another walk today.  

A couple of times in the first two days I thought I was hungry, but realized there is a bit of a conditioned response to being home. When I'm not home, I don't feel it. Yesterday I didn't notice it so much, and today I didn't even eat all my fruit selection because I was full. I might still eat it after my walk, but just like all the other times that protocol worked for me, I feel just fine. 

On another note, I know that my supplementation is not over the top or anything as I am bleeding and clotting appropriately. I got my nosed pierced a week ago, just before starting the program, and I'm healing well. :-)